When he doesn’t love you back

One option is to fantasize about a future where he does love you back — a future in which he realizes how wonderful you are, and eventually asks for your hand in marriage. But it’s only too obvious how much suffering this causes. The present and the future aren’t in alignment, and nothing you do will bring them closer together. You’re powerless.

The second option is to run away. Unfriend him. Unfollow him. Ignore his texts. Ignore him in person. You think you’re making him suffer, but you’re only making yourself suffer. Running away never works in the long run.

The third option is usually the best one: be kind to him anyways, even if it’s painful. Be present to your pain, and maybe a new door will open — a door that releases more kindness and love in you than you knew you were capable of.

Lines from T.S. Eliot’s East Coker seem appropriate:

“I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.”

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